Hey Everyone,
I dread the clock striking midnight tonight, because when it does, then it will mean that my best friend Ashton, will have been missing for a whole year...and that he must be dead or has finally gotten sick of me like everyone else eventualy does. I know it's not because he hasn't any access to a computer or the internet because that's just bull crap. There are lots of places that offer computers for public use, like libraries and some college/school campuses do it. I know the Dayton Chattanooga State campus offeres their lab to the public. Plus he has friends that have computers. So I know that I can't wish that, that's whats keeping him away anymore.
I guess I just have to face the facts, I don't want to. But what else is there to do? He's been missing for a almost a year and no one has had anyword from him as far as I know. I miss him so much, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be as bold or confident as I am today. Before I met him I was very shy and didn't really talk to anyone in chat rooms, I mostly sat and watched. But then that fatefull day he came into the room where I was at, in an old backstreetboys chat room, and asked if anyone was or knew anyone that was a nurse. And I spoke up and said my mom was a nurse and so he pmed me and started asking me to ask my mom about some symptoms he was having with this bad cold he had, and what medacine he should take. And ever since then we talked everyday for several hours. It got to where we would talk all night long and go to bed at maybe 2 in the mornin and wake up around oh....around 7 I guess and we'd do it all over again.
I don't talk to anyone like that anymore, and I don't get really involved in chat conversations. Sure I'll talk for a while and seem like I'm having fun, but then sooner or later I retreat into my own thoughts and memories and just stare at what everyone else is saying and not really take it in. I just watch the screen go up, as the poeple and whats being said changes. I don't think I'll ever talk to anyone the way I used to talk with Ashton.
But the fact is he's either tired of me or he's dead, I almost perfer to think of him as dead because that hurts a lot less then thinking he just got sick of me and is avoiding me. I kinda found a song that expreses how I feel I gues in a way. Well here it is and I don't know who it's by sorry Mooooooo.
Ashton, I know you're not a fairytale and dreams are meant for sleeping, and wishes on a star just don't come true. Why did I let myself believe that miracles could happen? That I had finally found a friend, that really cared and would always be there. Somone who understood me no matter what mood I was in. And knew how to make me smile when my feelings were hurt. I'll never be able to replace you Ashton. I'll miss you, Thank you for being my friend even if it was only for a little while. Goodbye.
Your,
Starino