The universe is made of of chain reactions, every person every thing no matter how small or insignificant it may seem has a big impact on everything they come into contact with. I think I know why I was in the glooms with weekend I didn't realize it at the time but I realized it today because of some news I got from a friend in the chat room, about one of our number that is going through some very touch situations right now and is in the hospital because of them.
You may not have known the chatter known as Ashton, he was gay he started in the chat room the same day I did we came from an old Backstreet-boys chat that started wanting ppl to pay we left it and went to a chat room for all kinds of artists. We got tired of that room because it didn't have mods and was running rampant with pervs etc. Anyway we were very good friends already when we joined this room. He was gay and my best friend. He was very paranoid and also suicidal. He had kids he took care of by himself pretty much that a girl he had a little fling with trying to go straight got pregnant with twins and he took them cause she didn't want them. And he adopted 2 more that she left on his door step even though he wasn't sure they were his.
Anyway my junior year in High school on Good Friday I went in to have my wisdome teeth removed I received an email from Ash telling me good luck and he'd talk to me later when I felt like getting online.............. I never heard from him again after that and neither did anyone else who was in contact with him. Like I said he was suicidal and also bipolar so I always suspect he killed himself for some reason because he just vanished. It took me a long time to get over it and I'm probably still not over it completely.
I miss him a lot yes I know he was an Internet friend and I didn't know him in real life but that doesn't matter. We were best freinds he was a few months older then me and we lived maybe 45 mins from each other and we told each other everything he was always there for me even when I didn't know I needed him. He bought me a beautiful crystal key chain of a star that lit up when I got my driver's license because I was freaking out about getting having to drive with a cop in the car lol. He could always make me laugh no matter how down I was.
Internet friends can leave a huge impact on us because we sometimes feel more comfortable telling them things we maybe wouldn't tell our friends in real life because we're not likely to ever really meet them and so we ain't as embarrassed about it , or that it might circle around to ppl we know in real life etc. We're able to be more open more honest with what the world would call strangers, but they aren't strangers at all they are friends, they are family. I remember so many people I've talked to in this chat room over the years that aren't there anymore because they passed on and it leaves a little ache in my heart because they are sorely missed. There are so many that we regulars from years past remember. I hope those loved ones are happy and no longer in pain, but I still miss them.
Its amazing how much impact you can have on someone you've never met sometimes more of an impact then what we have on people we see every day. So never take those friends for granted cherish every moment you have with them. And never doubt that you have an impact on the others you meet in the room. Even if you don't talk to them much you will make some kind of impact on their lives. Always remember this because one day it will end and you want those left behind to have good memories of you as you would want to be left with good memories of them.
I have lots of good memories of Ashton, but they are tinged with a black mist because I never knew what really happened. Sometimes I even doubt the friendship we had. Could it have all been a joke to him? Was he only bored and I entertained him and then he got tired of it? Or did he really take his own life and leave me behind? I know the song Hold on by Good Charolott was one of his favorites he introduced me to it and to Savage Garden. I wish he would have paid more attention to the song because it talks about Suicide and what its like for those who are left behind. Watch it on youtube sometime it will have an impact on you even if you've never known someone who tried to take their own life. And if you are thinking of taking your own life please stop and think about what it would do to those around you who love you who's lives are better just because you live.