This thursday we're going to Chattanooga to talk to the Doctor that performed my mom's gastric bypass to let him re-evaluate me and see if he would be willing to do the surgery. He did a great job with my mom and my parents were very impressed about how much he seemed to care about his patients and their lives before, durring, and after the surgery. Last year when we asked him he said no we arn't sure why. But we are going back becaue it is now medical nessesity as I believe I mentioned in my last blog my heart is enlarging and I can't expand my lungs all the way so my health is starting to take a turn for the worst because of my weight. And he's the only one close enough that we've heard good reports on the out come of his surgeries and his patients welfare.
We're really hoping that he will agree to it. I don't want to become bed ridden and not able to go outside into the sunshine or be able to do my photography because I"m confined to my bed. So Please keep me in your prayers on Thursday around 9 something am.
School starts back the 16th. I'm kinda scared about it simply because I realy don't like my major Allied Health at all. I hate the classes I'm having to take like Medicoleagal and stuff lke that. But I don't have alot of choices right now I need a job with good pay , flexible hours and good insurance. And there's not alot of that out htere today for someone like me.
Plus my fellow students in my class are all mostly adults with kids and families returning to school and we have nothing in common so they dont' talk to me any. Treat me like a child. Like I had a girl take notes for me in one of my night classes cause it was hard for me to keep up with the teacher well anyway I got sick one night and had to spend like 20 to 30 mins int he bathroom when I got back she told me she was quiting cause I didn't pay attention in class while she's writting her butt of but being paid for it. And that I go and wander the halls instead of sitting in class paying atention etc I told her before she agreed to take notes for me about my CF and it's problems and she said she understood and agreed.
Well when I got back my teacher jumped me because she had forgotten about my probs and this is college you dont' raise ya hand and ask to go to the bathroom you just get up and go unless it's a test. Well the woman started lectureing me when class ended when the others started filing out and called me lazy and selfish etc and that I might not care about this class and stuff but she did this class was her and her familys future that htey were depending on her etc.
I did pay atention in class and I always thanked her for hte notes which by the way she wasnt' writing 2 sets of notes the Disabilities services paid her and gave her a special note pad that when you write it makes another coppy on the sheet behind it so you can;'t write on the back which uses more papper but makes it easier to read adn less time consuming. Well anyway she stood there towering over me lectureing me liked I was some kind of selfish brat that her parents pay for her to attend college to keep me out of their hair etc.... well it was realy embarassing she was flining these untrue remarks at me. I reminded her and my teacher about my health and that they both signed a papper saying they understood etc. Well they forgot cause I hadn't had any major probs up tillt hat night.
So that episode didn't help how the other students felt about me. There are a couple that are nice adn will talk to me adn stuff but they won't go out of thier way to have a convo with me unless I"m the only one around. So that hurt me alot, I didnt' say anything to disabilites because with what that woman said I probly won't me likely to get anyone else to agree to take notes for me when I have trouble keeping up. Cause it has to be someone in the class that way they dont' have to miss another class to take the notes etc and they only off my major classes at night it's a night program.
So I'm kinda stuck doing my own notes cause I don't like the idea of useing a recorder and having to worry about switching tapes then having to rewrite everything later I cant learn that way I am a visual learner. I dont do good in lectures I try my best to pay attention but someimes it's very hard when ya teacher makes the subject as dull as possible and talks in a monotone. So I'm not looking forward to antoehr semester of that even though I will have different teachers. Hopefuly it will be better this semester.
My dad signed me and him up at our local YMCA so I can begin a work out that will continue after my suregery if I get to have it and help wit the wieght lots and to tighten up my skin so I won't look like a saggy sack from the excess skin. And if I dont' get the surgery I'm still gona try and keep up wiht the program so at least I can maybe get enough weight gone to help my breathing and make me for flexible and put me in better shape.
Can't think of anything else that's going on at the moment besides my constant loneliness which I have mentioned before. I Don't understand why I am lonely becuae I have some of the bestest friends in the world online. Maybe it's lonesome for the thouch of others outside of my family and church...Ya know a warm hug when you see someone and you ask how they are ya know they arn't shy about touching you because you are sick or over weight. Or becase you arn't cool or whatever. I guess I'm lonesome for touch and to feel as t hough the person realy cares and wants to give you a big hug. And not jump away really quick becauwe they are embarassed to be scene with you. But a real hug. the kind where you are crushed to the person in a firm grip and it's such a warm feeling and when you break apart you are coughing and laughing cause you can now breath.
Well I guess that's all for today. Sorry it's so long for those of you that don't like long entries. But there was alot I just needed to talk about and di nt;' want to bother anyone in chat wiht something they've all heard many times before and be a bother. Their patience with me thus far is amazing normaly ppl are anoyed and shor tempered with me before long. They are the best friends a person could ever have I just wish theire was somethign I could do to show them how much I love and appriciate them.
Love,
Dana