The Blog of Daniel

Just my place to write without any delusions of self-importance.


I first met Amber when she was still attending South Western Community College in Coos Bay, OR.  She was the consummate computer nerd and incredibly cute.  The first time we kissed was in an adjunct room at the campus library.  Right in the middle of said kiss, two other students came in, eeeked, and left just as quick.  We laughed.  Two gimps kissing; who would’ve thunk it?  The second time we kissed was on an elevator and for no other reason than she thought it would be romantic.  It was.

Shortly thereafter and for reasons out of our control, we were separated and lost contact for almost 9 years.  On January 31, 2006, I found her again quite by accident and we never lost contact again.  We spoke daily on the phone for years and then on June 15, 2009 I finally drove to Portland, Oregon for a short visit.  It wasn’t enough so after a week back home, I decided to go back to her and stay even longer.  We had the time of our life.  On July 4, we kissed on the roof of her Chestnut Lane apartment building while fireworks burst in every direction.

On October 26, 2009, Amber came here to Arizona to live.  From that day forward, we never spent more than a day apart.  We had good times, bad times, great times and rough times but the one thing that remained consistent is that not once did I ever stop loving her.  I have never loved anyone more and I will never love anyone again like I love her.  The one promise I made to her was that unless she were to throw rocks at me and tell me to go away, I would never run away from her.

I kept that promise.

On December 12, 2014, we went to the hospital so she could have routine surgery to correct something similar to carpal tunnel in her right arm.  As they rolled her into surgery, I kissed her goodbye and the nurses assured me they would take good care of her.  Everything went perfectly fine.  I later heard from her attending nurse and they were joking around so much together he could hardly speak through the laughter.  She could always make anyone laugh.  At 1:30 am I got a call from someone at the hospital asking to speak to me or her next of kin.

On the evening of December 17, with myself and all her family present, the doctors removed her from life support and she died while I held her beautiful hand and let her know that I love her.  I kissed her one last time and they took her away.

I don't know all the secrets of the soul and spirit but I hope she got to see that I kept my promise and I never left her alone from that moment I entered the hospital.  For 5 days and nights I had slept next to her, never letting go of her hand.  I cried for her, cried on her, held her, talked to her, sang to her and prayed to God for a miracle to bring her back to me.  She deserved no less and I deserved no more.

I’m so lost without her.

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