Well, I've been 33 for about 24 hours now, and so far it's pretty cool. You know you're getting older when all people give you for gifts is clothing. :-). Most of which will not fit me but I got a couple of beautiful skirts and one gorgeous dress. Also, a small purse which is perfect and some sandals. All of this with the money my dad sent this month.
The food at the Cadillac Ranch wasn't all that good, but I discovered I actually like brownies, and I had a margarita, so it was OK. Even though one friend I invited missed meeting me by a few minutes, and the other blew me off for a trip to Mexico. Sigh.
33 feels kind of weird. I still feel much younger inside because of how sheltered I was, and how much stuff most people already know that I'm still learning. But I got to spend birthday time with family that cares to the best of their ability.
And with Daniel. That was the best part. Because it's something I've wanted for years. Not only just someone in general, but him in particular. In our past, we were forced apart, by my parents, who were scared of the strength that real love brought to me. And were only brought back together by an error on my part regarding music in my former blog. It's a "mistake" turned miracle. I'm so happy just to have him by my side. It makes even the mundane things in life tolerable. And the good things become amazing. And there is no fighting to change who I am, nor do I expect or want him to change. Which is very very freeing, and it actually allows me to change, to grow in good ways. And I hope that the same for him is true as well. For me, every time I see him smile, I know that God is smiling on me too. And I know that sounds really cliché, but it's true, and I feel like the sun around me is finally starting to make its way inside. Thank you, dear one. I will be forever grateful. Stars. :-).
Begin: year 33. Palindrome years are supposed to be good luck. I can't wait to see what this one brings. Slight to moderate annoyances aside, and there have been plenty, like two months without my own power wheelchair, which I just got back a few days ago; or a finally completed shower but having to wait a few extra weeks for the shower chair to show up, all of these aside, I am happier than I've ever been in my whole life. And I am home.
I know I will have to work as this. And I know I need help. I have my first counseling appointment here tomorrow. And I'm scared of what will come out. But whatever does needs to, and I'm committed to being real, which I haven't been during counseling before, at least not fully. But this needs to work.
The chronic pain in my muscles and bones is mostly gone because of the warmth that surrounds me most of the time outside. And I'm stronger emotionally because of warmth and happiness inside, sometimes created by the smallest things. Like starting a book, finally. Or even just acknowledging that today in particular is the first day, in my adult life at least, that I have felt pretty, really in my own mind as well as hearing it around me, in an article of clothing. This dress is amazing. I will take a picture of it soon and put it up as my profile picture here.
And of course I will keep you all updated. Thank you for all reading this and being part of my life in some way.