Lois' Writings

Behold the Useless Throne (To Me That Is)

Two weeks ago I was relocated to, what my father calls, The Dungeon, while renovations commenced in my inner sanctum upstairs. 

Needless to say, after 2 weeks of this I am more than ready for all of this work to be completed; and for all of these workers to be gone. 

Actually, after the 2nd day I was ready for them to be gone. 

And they are not even at the halfway mark. 

You see, I find it quite difficult to be “me” when there is a house full of people I do not know all that well. 

Hell, I have a problem being me when it is just family around. 

Even The Mr.  has had problems since these workers arrive at 7 a.m., which is well before he usually gets up. 

But I digress. 

A few years ago we updated The Dungeon’s bathroom, which meant replacing a circa 1970s toilet with something more modern and efficient. 

Besides being a few inches higher than what I am used to (and believe me when I say that this posed a problem because I am quite short, so my feet did not touch the ground), it also uses much less water. 

Much less. 

And therein lies the problem. 

It is bad enough that I have to flush more than once to make sure anything, other than only “water,” makes it down the chute. 

But these toilets also have, and I am being generous in my description here, a small amount of water that sits at the bottom of the bowl.  And because the water level is so low certain things sometimes stick to the bowl, and no amount of flushing dislodges said items from said bowl. 

So much for saving water. 

That this issue is causing me grief is putting it mildly.  I do not like to waste water, but I especially take notice of the fact that something that claims to save water does anything but. 

So when it came time to choose a new toilet for my yet-to-be bathroom I went on a long, and quite frustrating, Internet search trying to locate any toilet that would meet my persnickety requirements. 

To say that I basically failed is an understatement. 

But I did learn a lot about toilets. 

A lot. 

It seems that some highly advanced technology has made it into the plumbing business.  In fact, the sky’s the limit; depending on how much you are willing to pay for a toilet that is.  And Japan is leading the industry in the latest and greatest innovations so that you can customize your Personal Toilet Experience. 

There are powered seats and lids; toilets with heated seats that sense when you are cold, lights so that you can see where you are going; SD card slots so that you can listen to your favorite music; sensors, such as those with analytical capabilities to screen your “output” for health updates; adjustable height controls; deodorizers; toilets that know exactly when to flush; and the list goes on. 

And do not get me started on all of the options involving bidets. 

What happened to, Plain and Simple and Gets the Job Done? 

I do not know about you, but shelling out thousands of dollars for just a toilet seems so wasteful. 

No pun intended. 

Not to mention, I do not want a toilet that is smarter than I am. 

Since I did find a toilet that will work for me it is time to put a lid on this topic and flush all my worries away. 

Pun intended.