Jumping Rainbows

Teddy bears, key chains, and chocolate

Authors note:  This was orginally written in my private journal on 2/21/10

  In my blog, which is a much more public place for writing, I talked about Cullen and and I's first Valentine's Day together, and how it was about so much more than that for me.  All of that still stands, and is growing stronger by that day, but there's also something very very very special about knowing that you're going to get a gift from someone that you don't just have to make it easier for them to find, but basically pick it out yourself.  Tell me, where's the fun in that?  There isn't any.  In fact, it gets very monotonous and very boring very quickly.  During the four years that Chan and I were together on and off, I don't remember a time that I didn't have to tell him exactly what I wanted on any gift giving occasion.  If I wasn't telling him what I wanted, then I was going to find him an Internet link to exactly what I wanted.

 

  With Cullen, when we were talking on the phone a couple days before Valentine's Day, I made the comment that I absolutely loved stuffed animals.  Instead of him telling me to find a stuffed animal that I wanted so he could buy it for me, he went shopping and picked up the cutest teddy bear all by himself, without me having to give him any sort of direction whatsoever!  Wow, what a concept!  I have someone in my life who I don't have to hold their hand through the aspects of our relationship that he should really be taking the initiative on without question, in my opinion!  Now, the teddy bear wasn't the only thing he got me.  He also took the time to get me a beautiful keychain, and some chocolate.  What girl is going to turn down chocolate?  I know I sure won't!

  As for the keychain, it goes everywhere I do because it's on my chair, and obviously I go nowhere without my chair....  At least not very quickly!  The reason I decided to put it on my on my chair is because that way no matter where I go, or where I'm at, every time I get sad or lonely because I'm not with him, all I have to do is look down, and it brings a smile to my face like nothing else could at that moment!  It kind of goes back to the concept of being able to talk louder than most people can, or are willing to speak.

In a way, it's not really even about what the gift is.  The important part to me is the fact that it was something that came from his heart, and I didn't feel like I had to shove him, or even nudge him in the right direction!  Why didn't I have to do either of those things?  Although I don't know what his answer to that question would be, I know what mine is without a moment's hesitation: because he's emotionally invested!  In other words, I now realize that Chan was a lot of talk, but when it came right down to it, he wasn't looking for a long-term committed relationship for what I believe were a lot of his own selfish reasons that he may never get over.  Cullen, on the other hand, is looking for a long-term committed relationship, and therefore is willing to take more emotional risks than Chan ever was, or may ever be.  Cullen knows how a lady deserves to be treated, and knowing that I have someone in my life as special as he is makes me grin from ear to ear!

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