As any of you who've read this entry can probably imagine, it's been the most heartwrentching three weeks of my very enjoyable 25 years. Throughout these three weeks, many people have tried to use words to fix the situation, or make me feel better. As some of you can probably imagine, this has only succeeded in making me feel much, much, much worse! There are no words that are going to be able to fix this situation or bring her back. At this very moment in time what I need the most is for people to just be there without necessarily saying or doing anything in particular.
For most of the population, because very few of us, if any are able to deal with death and make it all pretty and flowery and be able to come up with exactly the right thing to say or do, it's easier to fill the space with words, even if they are logical words than it is to sit there and say nothing while your head spins with ideas, possibilities, and what if. Due to the fact that talking is a natural reaction in times of crisis or emotional pain, I feel like I have no right to take that away from those around me. As a result of the fact that I feel the way I do, I've come up with an alternative solution to asking those around me to stop talking because it's not what I need.
As some of you who have read this or this are well aware, that touch is very important to me in a lot of ways, and on a lot of different levels. As a result of the fact that physical touch and human contact in that way is extremely important to me, soft textures, like polyester, also, almost by default, have become extremely important to me, but for different reasons, and on different levels. See the thing is that when I'm upset and frustrated, and I just need someone to be present with me, it doesn't always happen because I start talking because it's the only way of venting the frustration that I have, and as a result of what I said while I was talking, someone has a thought that they want to share with me. The reality is that any statement made aloud is up for debate, whether we really want it to be or not. Textures and stuffed animals don't talk back at this point, and hopefully there will never come point where they do! 
In essence, when I want to talk until my heart is content with no rebuttal or comments stopping my thoughts from flowing, a polyester blanket or a teddy bear is the way to go! When you get right down to it, they are the only way I have of decompressing where I'm not going to get interrupted because every statement I make is up for debate. So, I'll go on decompressing with either my polyester blanket or something similar, or a teddy bear and take comfort in the fact that I know I can say whatever I want, cry enough tears to fill an ocean, and take as long as I need to do so! Thanks textures and teddy bears for being there when I need you the most, just letting whatever happens happen, and not having anything to say about it! 
To the right is my favorite teddy bear to cuddle with because when it's sitting on my lap, it's just the right hieght for me to rest my head on and cry enough tears to fill an ocean if need be. Having somewhere to rest my head while I cry an ocean is something I take GREAT COMFORT in being able to do!