On Sunday, as Chan put a tribute to Andrew "Test" Martin, a wrestler on his MSN Messenger window, first I was in shock, then the newly discovered selfish part of me took over. Here's the log:
Danielle: omg, is that number correct? Was he only 33, and if so, how did he die, or what from?
CHANDLER: yup...............not sure yet
Danielle: is it breaking news on WWE.com ?
CHANDLER: dont no
CHANDLER: got it from BTR then LAW
CHANDLER: WWE's page is crappy
Danielle: and the only information that those two had was the fact that he died yesterday in his Florida home?
CHANDLER: got it last nite
Danielle: what about the Wrestling Observer, do you think there would be anything on there?
CHANDLER: no-foul play was suspected as of last night
CHANDLER: I really don't go to wrestlingobserver much because my subscription ran out a while ago when I haven't renewed yet. Those two are reliable enough, plus there are a couple of others as well
Danielle: 33, so young, and presumably so much life ahead of him, makes it all so incredibly sad!
CHANDLER: for sure. If I had to guess though I would say that Andrew was a big factor. He, like so many other guy's didn't really take care of himself, and sadly paid the price
Danielle: I understand that that's the nature of the beast, but a very small, yet very admittedly selfish part of me doesn't want you to get involved exactly for that reason! I realize that if you had a family, including children, things may be different, and you may think twice, but the pressures of the business are what they are, and regardless of what your family makeup is, sometimes they're just too great to overcome without "help"!
CHANDLER: I totally get where you are coming from but I can tell you that there are plenty of guys throughout the business (not a lot compared to the other number, but still a good number) that don't do anything edgey, CM Punk for one, and I don't believe Christian does much of anything either. I guess it's about willpower to some extent
CHANDLER: or just no desire
CHANDLER: I mean think about it, I have the power to say no. I've been doing it for years now. Remember, we live a quarter-mile or less away from a liquor store that is almost always fully stocked. I understand there is always peer pressure but if we had a family by that time and the guys knew that, I would hope they would respect my wishes
CHANDLER: if not, I would stay away from them as much as possible. I wouldn't want to be around guys that couldn't take no for an answer because if that is the case, they usually don't give a damn about themselves
CHANDLER: if I were at a point that I had to give a damn I would. Maybe not for you or me, but sure as hell for my kids
CHANDLER: they didn't ask to be brought here, so why should I tempt fate and heighten the chance of them not having a dad because I want to be a selfish bastard? Not going to happen!
Danielle: baby, I understand and respect the hell out of everything you're saying, but the bottom line is that your not going to 100% know what you would do until, and only if you were faced with that situation! With that being said, there's no guarantees with anything in life, including this!
CHANDLER: save this, so that if I ever go back on what I just said you can prove it to me in front of my kids; which will tear me up but I will have deserved it, so please do
Danielle: I will, as I've told you before it, I save all of our logs, and I will continue to do so, no matter what happens!
CHANDLER: now I can't say that once they are out of the house something won't happen; because then they will be on their own and I will be free again, but not while I am raising kids.
Athogh I didn't get an answer to those three questions in writing, because I decided to go over there instead, we did continue talking about it. Basically, he said that he would have be REALLY messed up in the head not to take into consideration me, or my feelings. I must admit, I do take some comfort in hearing that come out of his mouth! Before we wrapped this up, I asked him one more question that I NEEDED the answer to: "If an opportunity with WWE arose, we discussed it at length over several conversations, and I just wasn't comfortable with it, would you, and/or could you turn it down?"
"Honestly, probably not. I'm not sure that I could give it up for any woman. That's why I had such a difficult time saying 'yes' to you, and admitting my true feelings...because I'm willing to 'throw it all away' for the business! It's my BIGGEST DREAM ever!"
10 points for your honesty, sweetheart! I love you, and I ALWAYS will! 