Over the past couple of weeks, I have done a lot of writing about the two people who I feel I can be the most open and honest with, regardless of subject matter. To spare them the embarrassment of "taking the spotlight", which neither of them really like, I won't refer to them by name here. However, before I go any further, I will say that if any of you have been following my blog, there's a good chance that you at least know who I'm referring to, even if you don't know them personally.
For this blog entry, I will refer to these two individuals as "Mr. everything", and "Mr. anything" respectively.
Mr. everything and I have definitely had her upside down throughout the course of our friendship. There are times where we definitely don't see eye to eye, and times that I'm sure he thinks that I'm either far too liberal, or I'm missing a few marbles upstairs, or a combination thereof LOL! Nevertheless, no matter how significant or insignificant the disagreement is, it isn't long before we're talking and connecting once again. In my very humble opinion, Mr. everything is pretty amazing!
However, like all other human beings on planet Earth, Mr. everything isn't perfect. Some of the thoughts that go through my head sometimes, are just things that I feel that he wouldn't completely understand. Now, don't get me wrong, he would certainly give it his best effort, and I would never, ever, ever take that away from him, but in the end, after I was finished trying to make him understand what it was that I was trying to say, the moment of needing someone to listen and understand would be completely lost in frustration and despair. Once that happened, I know myself well enough to know that I would end up starting to take my frustration out on him, and that's not something I want to do, especially when all he was trying to do was help.
Take for example my need for nonclinical touch. Whenever I try to open up a dialogue with him about this, his response is usually, "no one is going to die without touch. Yes, it's nice to have, but it's not a necessity for living." Why is this? While I'm not exactly sure, so I'm not even going to pretend I know, I think it's because he doesn't fully understand how much of a desire nonclinical touch it is for me. I don't think he understands that there are times when I literally ache to my core to snuggle with him, or any other close friend for that matter. I know I said this once before in the previous paragraph, but I think it bears repeating: his lack of being able to empathize is not because he doesn't give it his best effort!
Enter Mr. anything. It's not that he's always able to empathize with what I have to say, but rather that he is able to think outside the box, which Mr. everything is not always able to do. Much like Mr. everything, Mr. anything doesn't sugarcoat anything when I ask for his opinion. He says what he is thinking, and if for some reason I can't handle that, then, well, I probably shouldn't have asked for his opinion in the first place. The other major difference between Mr. everything and Mr. anything is that like Mr. anything said in a post of his that I was reading recently, his opinion is only stated if it's asked for. In other words, he can listen to me, or rather watch me babble for an entire hour without saying a word if I need him to. Mr. everything, while I love him dearly, and couldn't imagine my world without him, on the other hand, struggles with this. If he's got something to say that's pertinent to the conversation, he usually doesn't think twice about saying it no matter where I am in a particular thought.
While "roundtable" discussions are great, and most of the time the type of conversations I enjoy, sometimes I just need to be heard with no interuptions, opinions, or thoughts until I'm finished talking. Mr. anything is excellent at this! Over the last two weeks, I've had many moments where I just need to be heard. There's only one small problem...
Mr. anything and I haven't talked in almost two weeks. Let it be known that I'm NOT taking this as a personal atack! I completely and totally understand and am able to empathize with the feeling of being overwhelmed and frusturated! I just really miss his company!
Mr. anything: if you do read this, and I'm pretty sure you will, just know that I miss you, and I'm here for you! I look forward to getting back to our daily conversations whenever you're ready! *hugs* 