Authors note: this blog entry is very explicit, so if explicit things are not your style, I would highly recommend stopping right here, and going no further!
In my previous journal entry, I excitedly mentioned that Chandler and I were talking again. We still are, and it's our conversation that we had on the night we started talking again that I wanted to talk about here today. We started talking again on Tuesday, the 11th. On that particular day, I spent like seven or eight full hours with him. At one point, he brought up the fact of how his ex-girlfriend felt like, and still feels like he needs to be saved from himself. When he said this, it took me a second to register what he was saying, but when I did, I had this to say: "what ever, you need to be saved about as much as I want to walk!"
"I'll never understand that, because I would do almost anything to walk."
"I know, that's why if I had a magic pill that would make somebody walk, because I don't want it, you'd be the one I give it to."
"And even if you left my life for six months, a year, two years, or even three, to discover who you were and what you were about as an able-bodied individual, you would eventually be back to thank me, I have no doubt about that."
"I'd probably repay you in the way you want me to."
"It's a hope, but I've come to the realization that it's probably not going to be a reality."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why is it a hope? I thought you weren't interested in me anymore. I thought you had moved on to Curtis and bigger and better things, if you know what I mean."
"He's just... You know much better than that!"
"The only reason I gave up on that thought is because I had no opportunity, and why would I drive myself crazy with a thought like that when I know there's going to be no opportunity to do anything about it?"
"Besides, you're the one that told me that there was no opportunity, aren't you?
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Yes, you do, you know exactly what I'm talking about!"
"If you really thought I had no interest in you anymore, why would you make a comment like that? It doesn't really make sense."
"I'm just messing with your head! It was the first thing that came to mind, so it's what I said.
"Well, please be aware that that thought has never, ever, ever, ever, ever completely left my brain!"
"The door is always open, so if you want it, come and get it! That's all I have to say about that."
"So, let's just say that hypothetically I did want it. Then we run into that other problem..."
"No, sir, you see, while you've taken a sabbatical from thinking about this particular situation, I've done a lot of research. I could find us a surrogate, someone who would come in strictly to help us do stuff like this. Not only could I, but if you said you wanted it that badly, I would!
"So, next?"
"I don't know, I'm just asking."
"So now that I've debunked your 'no help' issue, aside from the fact that you really don't want it right now, is there anything else stopping it from happening?"
Remember this too: "after the 8th, it would only be for playtime, nothing more."
"It would be kind of fun especially if I knew I couldn't knock you up."
With that, the conversation ended, but by the end of it, if he had any doubt about where I stood before, he didn't then! As I got ready to leave about an hour later I said, "well, I guess I'm going to have to start working on that pill!" His response was a favorable giggle. If I didn't know better, I'd say that this whole conversation and this whole experience was the dream. On second thought, it is a dream, just not one that's come true yet. Only time will tell whether it will or not, but I can promise you this: it will be documented here!
