During the time that I've been a member of SaidSimple.com, I have written both essays and blogs about how important "nonclinical" touch is to me. For those of you who aren't aware, or haven't had a chance to read my blog or my essays, let me give you a quick synopsis of how I define "clinical" and "nonclinical" touch. To me, clinical touch is touch that involves any part of our daily living cares. For example, having someone help us transfer into or out of a wheelchair, in or out of bed, and so on. On the contrary, I define nonclinical touch as giving someone a hug, a pat on the hand, or even holding their hand just because.
I've always felt like nonclinical touch was underutilized for our entire society, but especially for the disabled community. Some of us spend so much time needing so much assistance with activities of daily living, that the nonclinical touch gets lost, forgotten, or a combination thereof. If you look at some of the statistics, the mortality rate among infants who did not receive nonclinical touch is astronomically higher than those who do. Why do we as a society find it acceptable to touch, tickle, and tackle children under the age of five when we're playing with them, but yet we find it unacceptable for adults to hug each other just because? When someone is in a coma, and you're not sure they can hear you, but you still want them to know you're there, you're first response is to usually grab hold of their hand, right? How is that acceptable when to friends of the same sex walking down the mall holding hands are usually presumed to be gay? Can't friends hold hands?
As I write this, if I had the ability to get down on my knees and beg to be held, or beg for a hug, I certainly would! I need that nonclinical touch in my life so much, almost to a point where sometimes it becomes unbearable. What's even more heartbreaking about this situation, is the fact that no matter how much I beg, plead, write, blog, and sometimes even cry, I feel like no one hears me. Some may argue that I just need to be more assertive about what I want and/or need. I may agree with that statement if I hadn't already taken the approach of "I need a hug" and "I need to be held". How much more assertive can you get when you're using statements like that?
I'm becoming so desperate that the other day as and Chandler an instant message detailing how I felt about this. To date, as far as I'm aware, he has not even finished reading that instant message, let alone discussed it with me. Here's how it reads:
"Hey, I realize you may or may not be in the chair right now, and either way, it's okay. Eventually I know you'll get this either way. However, if when you do get this, there are people with you, and there may be a chance that they'll see this, please do me a favor, and STOP reading here until you're alone! If, and when you are alone, I want you to know that what I'm about to tell you is something I've been trying to tell you for about the last two days, but somehow we always keep getting interrupted. So, with that being said, here it is: you know how the other night you were saying that you wouldn't be opposed to casually dating Lindsay if she wanted someone to have some physicality with? Well, the truth is, that's what I want; someone to have some physicality with, nothing more, nothing less. Now, I know that because history has a tendency to repeat itself, you're probably going to be thinking something along the lines of "yeah, that maybe what you think you want, but deep down inside, I think you want more." At one point, you would have been correct in making that statement. However, like I explained to you the other night, a committed relationship isn't something I want at this point in my life. So, now that you know that, here's my question: can we at least toss around the idea of making physicality, and only physicality, a possibility? If you aren't comfortable with that, it's okay, I'll understand. I just needed to put it out on the table because it was something that had been on my mind for the last couple of days, and you know how I am when it comes to things being on my mind that have anything to do with you. I feel I need to put them out there as soon as I can because that's what our friendship has always been based on; openness and honesty; shooting straight from the hip, if you will. So, just take into consideration everything I've had to say, and if I make it over there later, we can talk about it then. Remember, it's okay if it doesn't feel right, all I'm asking for is openness and honesty. I know you'll give me that!"
I think that that message speaks for itself, doesn't it?