This has been a very tough week for me for a number of reasons. However, when I really break it down, because of my current circumstances, there is one incident that sticks out in my mind more vividly than all the rest. As you continue to read, and I give you a picture of this event, and all the others that have been taking place in my life recently, I have only one question for you: How would you, or could you, handle it all?
On December 25th, yes, Christmas Day, my pressure sore, which I have been battling on and off since 2001, broke open once again. Now, this is not an uncommon occurrence. In fact, when it first became a problem in 2001, I was in bed for three months solid; I did everything there, and I mean everything. Since then, I have still had trouble with it, but not to a point where I have had to spend any time in bed. Usually I can pull out my methods of treating it, and never have to go a day without being in my wheelchair. Unfortunately, on the fateful night of December 25th, for whatever reason, it broke to a point where my usual methods were not going to work. I laid down on Christmas night at about 8:30 p.m., and aside from the drive back from my mom's house to mine, on Tuesday morning, which are about an hour apart, I have not been in a fully upright position for approximately 5 days. Come to think of it, I haven't even been out of my bed in approximately 5 days.
When I came home on Tuesday, and had to go straight into my bed, I was more than a little upset because I hate not being able to move around freely; I feel very, very trapped, and I despise that feeling. Thankfully though, as Tuesday turned into Wednesday, I was doing okay, and I wasn't nearly as upset about things because I had the mindset of: Well, three or four days is much better than three months, and if I can handle three months, I can definitely handle three or four days. I was able to maintain this mindset until Thursday afternoon...that's when everything changed. What took place on Thursday afternoon is something that I have never experienced before, and I don't ever want to have to experience it again...
My Personal Care Attendant, and best girlfriend in the entire world, entered my bedroom, and politely asked me if I was awake. When I responded with yes, she proceeded to tell me that her adorable little girl, who is 2, was ill, and she wasn't sure what to do because she knew I needed her help, but she also knew that her little girl needed to go to the emergency room as soon as possible, and she didn't know if she could find anyone to take her. After some discussion, she thought she had someone in mind. This person said yes, they would be willing to go pick her up, and take her. They said that they were on their way to my house, to pick up the car seat, and would be here very shortly. Well, it turned out,they were not willing to do as they said they were going to. Therefore, moments after she went down to give this person the car seat, she came back upstairs in tears of frustration. This was an extraordinarily difficult moment for me because all I wanted to do was something that she has done for me so many times over the past four or five months. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be OK, because in my heart of hearts, I knew it was. However, I couldn't do that. All I could do, was give her the words of encouragement I could think of at that moment, and tell her that if she needed to leave, everything would work itself out, and I would be OK.
Not been able to hug someone, or hold someone when they need it most is something that has always been very, very difficult for me because I believe very, very, very strongly in the power of touch. The above incident just reiterated how important it can, and should be!
That being said, I'm going to ask all of you who have the ability to spontaneously hug someone, even if you think they don't need one, ask them, because chances are, they do, and the way I see it, you should take every opportunity you can to give them. I am almost 100% positive that you will get as much out of giving that hug as your recipient did when they received it! If you don't get any satisfaction out of it, for whatever reason, then at least do me this favor: Look up, and thank your lucky stars that you have the physical ability to hug someone, and you can use it wherever you want!