When I started doing "discipleship" with my friend Brian, the first thing he asked me what I expected to get out of it. My instant reply was that I had no idea. I didn't understand what it would all be about. I went in completely blind for no other reason than Alicia asking me if I would be interested in meeting with him. Brian was just an acquaintance at the time, but I said "yes" before I could allow a single doubt to form in my head.
In our getting acquainted, what eventually surfaced was that even though I had the head knowledge and strong convictions of my faith, I didn't feel all "warm and fuzzy." At the time, I couldn't even tell you what "warm and fuzzy" meant but now I can quite clearly see that I just didn't feel the love that was being offered by God Himself. I'm an incredibly tactile based person and feeling love without physical touch is difficult and it's so much easier to be faithful to the one who makes you feel loved.
Over the last few months or so I have come to the conclusion that my strong convictions are gone and have been replaced by absolute convictions. Then it dawned on me a few days ago that whenever there is hurt, be it mine or someone else's, I now cry out to Jesus. When I see a fire or an accident, I cry out to Jesus to comfort them. When I see myself sinning, being rebellious, or otherwise falling short, I cry out to Jesus for help. When I eat, drink or merely wake up in the morning with a pulse, I thank Jesus for it. I'm so awestruck by all the things He makes possible that it goes beyond the words I am capable of expressing. I can finally actually feel His love, in addition to the acceptance of His grace and mercy.