I mentioned before that I used to have another online journal. I deleted it because in it I shared parts of my life that I should never have shared. I asked questions that I should never have asked and finally I got the ultimate answer that I already knew but never really wanted anyone to come outright and confirm it to me. Oh well, that's beside the point.
I'll be honest with everyone, at the moment I am a walking anxiety attack. I'm not depressed, I am just sad and completely fucking freaking out because all of the people I care about are leaving and dieing at a pace faster than I can emotionally keep up with. Combine that with the stress of packing, moving, unpacking and being completely alone for the holidays, it has just not been a fun time. Yes, there's more, there is a whole lot fucking more but it's to late to talk or do anything about it anyway.
As I said in my friend Bev's eulogy is still true. Make it a point to go visit your friends and family and let them know how much you love them. They could die tomorrow and it would be too late. I missed that chance way too many times.
With that, I promise this will be my last post regarding my emotional state. I really does no good to share.