A few days ago someone came into the Disabilities-R-Us chat room and touched on some of the stuff I had talked about in my last post here. He wasn't citing the post itself, he was just talking about how his sex/romance life has taken a big turn since he became disabled. Apparently both his wife and his girlfriend left him after whatever happened actually happened.
I listened for a while and then suggested that perhaps he should consider dating other disabled women. That pretty much silenced him. Disabled women are great lovers but he wasn't interested. Go figure. Dumbass.
It reminded me of something that happened last year. I am also a member of Yahoo's Disabled_Love forum. It has good intentions and I applaud the efforts of the girl who runs it but as is the case of most Internet dating sites, especially online disabled dating sites, most of the members don't stand a snowballs chance in Phoenix of ever meeting in person.
Over a year ago, and to my surprise, I find out one of the members is local to me and she got in touch with me. We even have the same disability (Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita). I'll leave her name out so she doesn't get all embarrassed about being an idiot. Let's call her: Miss A.
Anyway, Miss A gives me her screen name and I give her mine. Later that evening she IM's me. We chat for a bit and she asks me all the standard questions like am I single, what do I look like, etc. She then she goes on to tell me how she has never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, etc. It was more than I needed to know from someone I don't know but I have a hard time screaming "TMI, TMI, TMI"
Next she asks if we could meet. Sure, I suggest Pizza. Pizza places are a good place to meet since there are usually a lot of people around (witnesses) and neither side needs to worry about sudden kidnapping or wayward genitals. I made it very clear that this was a "meet new friends" event and not a drive-by wine, dine and 69. I'm looking for new friends too. Social networking.
She sends me her photo. There was no attraction, still, I'm talking about initial sexual attraction and this in my book has no effect on friendship and potential bonding, let alone eating pizza with. Physical attraction is instinctive. All else is psychological attraction, which is far more important. Of course I do not report any of these sentiments to her, I just give her my best emoticon of smileage and let her know that she has all the attributes of a nice lady.
At her request I send her my picture. In my opinion I don't consider myself to be attractive. I already know that I am nobodies fantasy. The first thing she says is "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're not my type" and then she had to go. Though it stung for a few nano-seconds but after that I was thankful that I didn't end up wasting any time trying to develop a friendship. Pizza means too much to me to allow this to happen again.
She contacted me a few times after that and each time I was polite but I have no interest in meeting or conversing with her. I figure that her time would be better spent looking for a man who would consider her to be his type. I'm not referring to her looks, just her attitude. With her attitude, I wish her a long life and happy hunting.
I relate these events because they allowed me to see there is as much discrimination within the disabled community as there is outside of it. A lot of people miss out on the best things in life because they go by appearances rather than substance. Fascinating.