Hey Everyone ( If anyone actually reads this),
I'm having a hard time with school the health care statistics class is very hard, we had a test last week and we had a formula cheat sheet we didn't have to memorize the formulas only have to plug in the correct information into them. Well I don't what my actual grade was but the teacher said over half the class did poorly so she's going back through them to see what kind of credit she can give to help us pass. She showed us a copy of the tests and a lot of the problems on mine didn't come out right even with the help sheet so I'm very upset about that and we are possibly having another test next week.
And then I'm barely passing the coding tests, I do well on the homework problems in the book but she makes up the problems for the test I'm barely passing them. Everything is so frustrating. And then I failed my management/supervision test most the people did so the teacher graded on a 10 point curve give everyone 10 points with passed most of the people. We are testing over the same material again since we did so bad the first time plus like 3 more sets of notes that we've covered since the test. And it Tuesday the 13th, so please be praying for me.
Plus the weather has been kinda bleak so that has me rather depressed plus just all the crap at school and just a lot of things that are going on in my life. The conference in Nashville this past weekend was a lot of fun and worth going to helped me to escape the stress of school for a while. But coming back today and seeing my math test added all the stress all over again plus the test tomorrow.
I'm watching my cat Misty (the solid grey one) play with a little tinkle ball rolling it around and chasing it and wrestling with it. If only life could be that carefree and fun. I'm really missing Ashton right now I know I should be over it its been over 2 years since he vanished but he meant so much to me and was always there for me he was my best Friend and even though he was gay I loved him. I can't get his memory out of my head or my heart. I keep thinking of the backstreet boy's new song "Trouble Is" and the lines that go.....
Trouble is I can't her (him) out of my mind when I close my eyes at night.
Who's gona save me, now she's (he's) gone?
Trouble is there's a part of me that still can't let go of a memory.
Now I know what it is.
love is what the trouble is.
I don't care what you all think of me I really don't because life is to short to care what others think and it's to short to live by other people's rules. I know love is what the trouble is cause I'm never interested in other guys, I tried to date a guy for a while and my schedule kept me to busy to talk to him. But I could never think about him when I was with him or not. It was always Ashton in my mind. I want to say I'm sorry to that guy, it never would have worked out and dating for me never will until I can fall out of love with a memory. And whats worse, it's a memory of a guy who didn't see me as anymore then a little sister or a friend.
Which is what most guys see me as a pal a sister or just a friend not something date-able which I guess turns out to be a good thing cause then they won't be hurt by me and my love of a memory. And even though it hurts me it's how it's got to be I suppose I've tried and tried to just keep it as a memory and not anything more but I just can't. I think it's because I've had no actual PROOF that something happened to him if he died or something like that or if he just left the net or maybe got tired of being my Friend which is also highly possible, happens to a lot of people I know even in the real world.
"Now I know what it is..... Love is what the trouble is...."