Hey Everyone,
I'm doing ok physically after the surgery I'm not as sore except in the spot where they put the port. As a forien object it takes longer to heal in scar tissue so it's still pretty tender around that area. Other then that I'm doing good physically.
Can't say the same mentally, I'm getting down because the weight isn't dropping off the way I dreamed it would ya know. I knew in my mind it woulnd't but my hearts till hoped and dreamed. I'm still taking my prozac, but it dosen't always help. I've tried to think of a way to talk about it but I just can't seem to talk about it. So I thought I'd give writting it out a chance. Its times like this I really mish ashton and now misha. We always talked and did stuff together like played games or something. But when either of us needed for the other to be serious and understanding they were there for each other. I miss them so much, I feel so alone without them.
I had a dream last night that it was my freind Megan's b-day and I fixed up the house with decorations and stuff as a surprise party that noone knew about but me cause my parents were late comming home and megan's mom was dropping her off. Well when my parents arrived they helped me with the final touches.
Then megan showed up ........ but she wasnt' surprised or happy at what I had done for her. She had brought some other girl with her. I didn't know who she was but they talked together and ignored me, they went to some other house of a freind the girl knew and stayed with them over night when they were supose to stay with me. They came back the next day long enough to get megs present then leave without a word to me I told them to get out of my life and to never come back.........
I woke up crying because of it. Megan is the only friend I have in the real world that makes an effort to keep in touch with me every now and then and to hang out with me and stuff. Cept for a girl from school named beth we were in theater together we only talk through e mail ocasionaly we dont' really hang out cause of age difference plus she works... Anyway I stayed in bed all day I felt so down I just layed in bed and stared at the things around my room. And I didn't really feel like talking much today. I know some of you probly though I looked happy and stuff when I first came on but that was as usual by fake smile and attitude I've grown so use to usin and hiding how i really feel inside so I wouldnt' chase ppl away from me like what use to happen at other rooms............. anyway just wanted to write a lil bit and keep my promise to handibot though I don't think this is what she had in mind............... bye