I do 24/7 and with good reason. My parents go shopping and leave me behind every weekend. They stay away for hours then when they come home they sleep and watch tv and practialy pretend I don't exist until it's time to unload the laundry or dishes that's the only time they admit I'm around...long enough to make me do the chores. My brother comes over and talks to my parents the whole time, and plays with the animals rather then even look at me. Ony time he admits I'm around is to tell me to shut up, go away, or move your fat butt.
My friends? Lets not even go there they don't care ( not talking bout my chat friends of course I know yall care) I'm talking to the ppl who actualy live in the same house/county that I do.
... I had thought that megan was my freind...but I was just lying to myself. She cares for nothing, but how she looks, which has to be better then these other girls that no matter what she does the guy she's obbsessed with always seems to like them more. And I honestly think he dosne't like her cause she won't be herself..... she's trying to be what she thinks he wants of her. And I think it turns him off because I wouldn't want someone trying to be something their not just to make me happy.
All she thinks about now a days is the breast enhancment surgery that she's getting next month in order to make herself look better. I never said anything to her about my b day or when it was. Just to prove to myself that really dosne't care for others. I was hoping I would be proved wrong. But it didn't turn out that way.
The only reason she remembered was because I bumped into the guy who's dating her mom the weekend after my b day and he asked what I had been up to cause I hadn't seen him in a while ya know, and I said spending the money I got from my grandparents for my b day last weekend. And I guess he mentioned it to megan and she didn't really care....only thought to bring it up so I'd be sure to get her something for her b days and christmas. And when she brought it up all she did was send me the text msg, "I was busy." Didn't even say she was sorry which was what I expected. She didn't let me down one bit on the way I thought she'd act.
Which I guess just proves my therory. No one in the real world wants to be around me much less even look at me. And no I'm not having a pitty party, just facing facts so I can stop lying to myself to try and make myself believe other wise. I'd built up this wall of lies about why the ppl in my life . Guess I'm just so tired of making exuses that I'm seeing straight through the wall and seeing what they really think of me. I don't know what it is about me that they don't like. I'm just me nothing more and I guess that's just not enough.
It's just time to face the facts that I care about them simply because it's part of who I am, I care about ppl. But ppl around here just don't naturally care about anyone but themselves, guess I'm the caring freak of Dayton. I don't expect them to buy me anything or send me anything....I'd be happy with just a phone call everyonce in a while just to say Hi, how are ya? or What have you been up too?
But I gues that's just to much to ask for. To much trouble to let ppl know ya care and to way to much trouble to just out and tell them that you don't care so you don't keep leading them on.