Star's Stellar Journal

A depressing day in Chattanooga

Hey Everyone,

    Dad, Mom, and I went shopping Chattanooga today.  We went to several different stores.  I went into Fashion Bug trying to find some jeans and Capri's but I got thoroughly depressed because not a single thing of out like ten or more items fit they were either to big, to small, or just to snug.  And it just totally depressed me, I kept seeing my fat, nakid body in the mirrors and I hated it.  I didn't want to look at myself.  I thought about locking myself up in my room and never going anywhere ever again.  I cried the anguished tears of not only broken, but utterly destroyed dreams of loosing weight.  Not to be thin, but just smaller so I won't have so much trouble finding cloths that fit me and not have to go into the pluses all the time.  Maybe down to a large/extra large  medium range.  and down to an 18 in jeans maybe. 

    The only good things about today was we went out to eat at one of my favorite places, Logan's Roadhouse.  And dad bought me a new purse, cause the strap on my other one broke.  And while I was at fashion bug, they secretly bought me a wire rimmed shooting star with green, gold, and purple garland twisted around it, and little starts hanging of of it.  It's quite large, we hung it on the door of my room.  They bought it while I was trying on those cloths, they were in a different story buying a picture frame when they saw it and thought I would like it.  It made me feel a whole lot better especially knowing they had bought it for me cause they thought I would like it and not because I was depressed ya know?  So that cheered me up a bit, but I'm still very depressed that I couldn't find any cloths that fit me today. And seeing myself in those modeling type mirrors...me and my 200lbs of horrible, ugly fat...  I guess I should just face the facts that I'm going to be fat and ugly for the rest of my life and to just learn to live with it.  And I guess that's all for today. 

Love,

~Star~ 

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