Ashton, I sure miss you. I feel so lonesome without you. Nobody understands me like you did. You could always tell if I was upset or depressed without me even giving hints about it. You knew me so well. Could tell what I was thinking, and I was pretty good in the same ways with you too. Nobody understands me anymore. They have no idea when I'm upset or depressed unless I upright and say it. Or maybe it's just I've gotten so good at hiding how I feel. As the song on my second entry says "part of me laughs, part of me cries"...spice girls.
I wish I knew why you left, is it because something horrible has happened or if you like everyone else just finally got sick of me. I've known you since I was 16 or 17 I think, you lasted longer then anyone that I let get close to me. And now you are gone, for forever it seems. I've lost the bestest friend I've ever had and sometimes I think you are my only friend. Because you were always there for me even at times I didn't realize I needed you to stay those extra hours at night. We'd stay up all night and go to bed at maybe 2 in the morning get up at like..maybe 6 or 7 and be right back on the computer and do it all over again during the summer. I really miss it.
I still come online a lot, but I don't talk to people as much as I use to when you were around. Now I mostly play games online, listen to music, or I just sit and stare at the screen. I still turn my messengers on but I leave them as appear offline because even when they show I'm online no one messages me anyway. I don't even know why I keep my e mail counts they never get used anymore like they did when I use to send you lil mesages aasking how you were and if you were gona be on that day and when. I still have your name on msn..I guess I'm still hoping against hope that you'll sign back in one day and this year will have been just a bad dream. I don't feel like I belong with anyone or anywhere I don't know who I am anymore I dont' think I ever did. I still have the cards, the 2 necklaces and the dream catures and the lightup star key chain you've sent me over the years. I love them. And I still use the beaded braclet you made for me as a bookmark so I can hold it as I read and still feel like you are here. Maybe I'm just being silly or crazy. But I feel like a big part of me is gone the part of me that laughed and had fun and didn't have to hide the pain and the tears. I feel so empty..theres a big, sharp edged hole in my heart where you use to be and it has never stoped bleeding never stoped hurting. And I have a feeling it always will. I'll never for get you ashton, I miss you so much... you are apart of me and always will be. I guess I'm trying to say goodbye. I'll always miss you and love you. You will always be my bestest friend.
Your,
Little Starino