This was originally written on July 20. I need help.I still am not the person I was, and I do not like it. Encouragement and ideas on how to shift this are desperately needed. Please.
If you have already read my note on Facebook regarding what happened to me, skip down to the part under today's date.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, my words are not what they used to be right now.
Last Thursday, when I was walking home from Daniel's house, just before nine o'clock at night, I came to the last crosswalk. I had the walk sign, so I looked, and there was a white car, but they were not turning. So I started across. Then the white car decided to turn, very fast, and not looking.
I remember thinking a bad word because I knew he was going to hit me. I tried to back up, but my chair wasn't fast enough. He hit me on the left side while I was trying to think of everyone that I love and tell them sorry, because I thought I was going to die.
When I woke up, a lady who said she was a nurse was talking to me. I was on the ground. A bunch of people got me off the ground, but I was still in my chair, so I remembered how to tell them how to move my chair, and they got me out of the street. A police man talk to me, but I don't remember. We didn't stay very long. They said they were trying to catch the white car, because it didn't stop. I told them my boyfriend's phone number, and somebody called. I told him to meet me at the hospital.
Some people put something on me so that I could not move my head. My head was hurting really bad. They took me to my hospital that I usually go to, but they didn't have anybody there that can help my head, so we went to another hospital, and all kinds of people started looking at me all at once. It was like that TV show. I remember saying hi to the people, but I don't remember much of anything for the next couple of days. I didn't member my boyfriend's name. It is Daniel. I kept calling him the guy from Oregon or Mark.
Later he told me that those days were spent in the ICU. He said that people woke me up every hour and asked me questions. And I got all the answers right, except some were funny. I don't remember.
My dad came. They moved me to a regular room, but I shared it with different people, and it was noisy and hard to sleep. But I got in my wheelchair everyday, and went down to the food place or outside.
Now I'm back where I live for now, but I don't feel like me. Everything is hurting. I don't talk the same way and forget words. I can't go anywhere on my own because I don't drive my chair right. Nothing is the same, and I am angry and confused.
Please, if anyone wants to help me cheer up, I love cards and letters and surprises. My mailing address is available on request by private message. There is also my little site called PlayEnabled, which has a way to send cheer along, so that I can help other people like me be happy.
Or just put your words here. I am surrounded by love, and it is supposed to get better soon.
And I am so glad to be alive.
It is now September 2, 2011
The anger has mostly mellowed down into an apparent automatic reflex to make negative comments about everything; even those things meant to be positive. And I don't even notice unless it is pointed out to me.
This has made it difficult for Daniel and I. We're still struggling through the waiting time until I get my apartment closer to him. Life in this house is not getting much better. And apparently, in the ICU under medication, so that I don't remember, I said some pretty awful things to him. So we are both trying to process a lot. I love you, Daniel. So much. I'm sorry for everything. We will make it, I promise.
And I still don't go out very much, even though I'm able to now, because I'm terrified of crossing streets, and there have been several near misses already.
On the good side, a local ABC affiliate has done a story on me and what happened with the service dog. I will post the link when I get it. It has not aired yet. So, hopefully, we will get some money back.
Because I have a dog now being trained by a good friend and Daniel together. Her name is Trixie. I got to name her. We were originally working for a dog that was already old enough to start working right away. And we were definitely looking for a bigger breed of dog, but I think Trixie The Wonder Puppy will make an awesome service dog, despite her size. She is a five-month-old rat terrier, the kind they call blue, and may top out at 10 pounds when she is done growing. She is beautiful, and one of the smartest dogs I have ever met. If anybody can help me despite small stature, she can and will.
My baby girl is doing amazing in her training. Of course, at this moment, she is more attached to her trainers than to me. That makes me a little sad sometimes, but it makes sense, because that is where she lives and eats.
But whenever I get to interact with her, which is often, she is perfectly comfortable with me after she settles down a little bit. She loves to ride on my tray,sitting very attentively, looking all around.
Now, I am off to publish a gallery of photos of Trixie and I.