Amber's Abode

Amber runs around the room screaming, and then rocks in a corner

So, at this moment, I'm pretty angry.  A couple of weeks ago, my dad called me to inform me that since he and his girlfriend feel guilty that they have been living together for a couple of years without getting married, they want to get married soon.  Okay, fair enough.  Though I could feel paragraphs about how I feel on their relationship or whatever.  But in this same conversation, he told me that they weren't sure they were going to be able to find a wheelchair accessible location.  And that they wanted to find somewhere near enough that I wouldn't have to stay overnight because they didn't want to take care of me.

Okay, stop.  I'm his daughter, and I'm in a wheelchair.  To me, that equals wheelchair accessible location is a necessity.  So when he told me that they couldn't find an accessible location what he was actually telling me is that they don't really want me there.  And I don't think it's an unfair conjuncture to read it that way.  So I told him if he wanted it that way, I would not be heartbroken if I wasn't in there.  Not a single word from him since.

So, today I drag myself to church, where I am now loathe to go because of a loss of the man who had become my pastor there.  he got called to a different church, so it doesn't feel the same.  But I drag myself there to get my monthly transit pass from my brother-in-law and hopefully my dad's monthly guilt stipend.  (Which of course didn't arrive this week as incentive to come back next week.)

So as we are waiting for my return ride after church, my brother-in-law asks me if I know the wedding date.  At first I said what wedding?  Then I knew.  And he told me March 3 in Coos Bay, my supposed hometown.

So after telling me they didn't think they could find an accessible location, they decided to go the easy route.  But it's not near enough so that I won't have to stay overnight.  So who is going to take care of me?  My brother-in-law says that they said that they would. 

WTF?  Hypocrites!  After all this moaning and groaning about we don't want to take care of you overnight on our wedding night.  Only they probably didn't tell my sister and brother-in-law that they had that conversation with me.

I don't even really want to go, but I'm not sure how I would get out of it.  I might still have out-of-town company, but it would be one of the last days anyway, so I'm not sure what would happen.  Redesigned sigh.  I'm just so tired of all of this crap.  I deserve to be treated better.

In all parts of life here, things are getting harder to deal with.  My roommate, although they only bring her in the room now at night to sleep, is nuttier than a fruitcake.  One of our sister facilities had a fire, so we are temporarily housing the refugees that we can and giving the workers a place to work.  This isn't necessarily good.  A lot of them shouldn't be really working anyway.  I've almost been dropped twice now, and I missed one mental health appointment because nobody got me out of bed in time even though I told them ahead of time.  The day after that, I was left in bed until 5 p.m.  because of the workers who were assigned my hall just assumed I was out of the building.

So life goes on and there is still no end in sight.  And if I hear one more person mention Job from the Bible, I am going to snap, and I don't know what will happen, but it won't be pretty.

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